ࡱ> _a^ OnbjbjVV *|<<Of8 8 , [>$;B} +0[}}} [}8 E: If I woke up deaf tomorrow , I might feel worried and nervous. I would feel stange because the sense of hearing is very important for life and the most important one for me. The sounds that I would miss are music,the ocean wavesbecause I like it. I wouldn't be able to not hear anything,it would be very hard. Mayte del Real MARKS: 2 _________________________________________________________________________ Malika Hmich: If I wake up in blind one day, I will think that I'm dreaming .I'm sure that I will feel very nervous and stifling/APPALLED because I won't see anything.That will be very difficult for me. I definitely that my life will DEFINITELY change a lot ,because I wouldn't/COULDN'T do simple things without help at first, like go (PREPOSITION+ VERB-ING) shopping alone or read a book. But later ,I will get used to do (GET USED TO + VERB-ING) my things myself without anyone's help. I must/ WILL HAVE TO learn TO write and read with the blind system to can BE ABLE TO finish my studies .I might won't (MODAL IN NEGATIVE) be able to be a doctor or an ingineer (SPELLING) ,but I can think of another profession more appropriate for me . Even thought I would live very good (WRONG WORD), I will WOULD definitely miss seeING again because sence (SPELLING) of sight is for me the most important sence in our body .If you can't see you may wouldn't (MODAL IN NEGATIVE) do a lot of things. You should decide if you are going to write as a hypothetical situation (2nd conditional: would) or as a real situation (1st conditional: will) MARKS: 6.5 __________________________________________________________________________ If I were blind my life would change a lot. Because I wouldnt be able to see anything and anybody I like a lot . As soon as I have (WRONG TENSE; KEEP 2ND CONDITIONAL) an accident and I lost my vision I would learn braile to read books, and I would have to hear more than now because I wouldnt be able to see important things like traffic lights or doors in the buildings. The World/ in general SOCIETIES must change the cities to help dissables (SPELLING) PEOPLE and they mustnt build houses without lifts for example. In THE future I might help blinds organitations. Now Im A lucky person because Im not dissable (SPELLING) and I can live without problems. Ive known that Im afortunately WRONG WORD since I was A kid. DAVID LPEZ 4 A MARKS: 7 ____________________________________________________________________________ I haven't had any disabilities SO FAR but If I were blind my life could be more REALLY different because I wouldn't see anything. I could need a special dog which WOULD help me everyday for (WRONG PREPOSITION) do all things(USE EVERYTHING) (for example: he would help me to crooos (SPELLING) the street, to walk around the street and many things) . I couldn't see my family and friends again but I would talk (PREPOSITION MISSING) them. People must change and help people with disabilities because they are humans too. All the days/EVERY DAY might be my last day on the earth because I wouldn't do anything because I have (WRONG VERB AND TENSE. USE CONDITIONAL) frightening (WRONG ADJECTIVE ENDING) to go away. I think that the doctors must do anything to make easier (WORD ORDER) the blind's BLIND PEOPLE'S life EASIER SERGIO CRUZ 4A MARKS: 7 ____________________________________________________________________________ If one day I woke up and found that I couldnt see anything, my life (SPELLING) would completely change. Everything would be black. Everything would be very difficult; I would have depend on others. I would disbelieve which everything, even myself?????. I would miss (miss + verb-ing) being able to see my family and my friends, I couldnt see all the wonders and privileges that the world has. And it would be difficult to find a people person who would accept you how as you are. I would have (PREPOSITION: HAVE ....) to learn the new things that I have to do being blind. It wouldn't only be something bad; I would already have other senses. I think that if I had been blind from birth, everything would be different. Although it had been However, it would be very hard, because I wouldnt know anything of about my environment. And I guess that someone would help to cope me to a place????? that I had never seen and I would never see. I have good luck (USE ADJECTIVE lucky AND A DIFFERENT TENSE) SAY: "HE SIDO AFORTUNADA..." from for not be (preposition + verb- ing) blinding (blind is an adjective! the verb is "BE") and I hope that I will never occur this (wrong structure) Now I think about this and I realize that they had to do a great effort to adapt to their life. The cities should be change to help to many the disabled. They are a great example of overcoming. MIRIAM ASPERILLA 4A MARKS: 7.5 YOU'RE DOING FINE WITH THE CORRECTIONS, THE ONLY THING IS THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN ON SOME OCCASIONS ??? YOU CAN TELL ME IN SPANISH ____________________________________________________________________________ The 17th of January, 1999, I woke up at seven o'clock with a strange sensation: I couldn't hear anything. I asked my mother for about this but, when she answered me, I didn't hear her. One day, we went to the hospital and we talked about my deafness. The doctor told us that I don't wouldn't hear anything for in all my life. When he told us this, I cried a lot after this. One day after going to the hospital, I thought in about the sounds which I would miss more. The first sound would be the ringing of the church of my village's bells, because, it has a lot of different sounds (high and low) that I enjoyed and I loved. The second sound which I won't wouldn't be able to hear would be the noise that the rain makes on my courtyard's roof. It's a very strong sound but I liked it because I slept better if it rained. AnOther sound which I might miss more would be the AC/DC's song "Highway to Hell". It was my alarm clock on a trip to Portugal. Since then, I had become fan of this song. Being deaf is a trouble if you want to enjoy all your life but you can enjoy other things that you don't wouldn't like them if you haven't (2nd type conditional clause)deafness. IVAN GONZALEZ 4A MARKS: 8 ____________________________________________________________________________ Being blind is hard to me. My typical day is not easy but I have realised that there are people who are worse than me. Little by little I've learnt to be more hopeful. When I wake up everyday I have breakfast, then I go to work with my new dog: Harry. Many people have told me that Harry's going to be my best friend. I don't think so because I have good friends now. I have not always been blind, before my car-accident I had so many friends, after that I had fewer friends but they are real friends. When I finish my work I come back home, I have dinner and I go to sleep. I miss my dreams of when I was young, I miss watching the sea and all OF its waves and I miss those moments when I dived there. The first time I saw nothing was when I had the accident, until that day I always thought that blind people were the only persons PEOPLE who were able to ''see'' the real inner beauty. Now I'm sure that they're not the only ones who can do it. I don't understand the last statement because now you're blind too.( Well, before I being blind I thought that but now, I've got friends and family that helps me everyday so now, I think that they're also able to see the real inner beaUty) OK! CARMEN MOLIZ PEDROSA 4A MARKS: 6.5 Your writing is quite good, but you used very few modal verbs, which you had to practise. ___________________________________________________________________________ My name is Gustavo and I have been blind since 1990 because I had an car accident with my parents by car. When I was younger I had to learn special skills, like reading books and magazines in Braile. I'm at university now because I'm studing (spelling) medicine in Madrid. My life is very different for me. For example I walk with the help of a guide dog. I walk with the help of a stick. I have to learn new routes. When I take the subway I could (wrong modal: use a modal for ability in the present) know when I have to go out (get off) because a voice says which stop is it (word order). When I go at to universty I nees(typing mistake) a special programme on my computer. GUILLERMO PEREJIL FERNANDEZ 4A MARKS: 6 ___________________________________________________________________________ If I wake up one day hearing nothing NOTHING I must (1st TYPE CONDITIONAL CLAUSE) )be terryfied(SPELLING). It might (I WOULD USE "MUST" FOR DEDUCTION) be horrible don't know NOT HEARING how sound the voice of your family and friends or don't heard never NOT HEARING any type of music. It might be really difficult for me, becuse I love the music, and it makeS me feel good. I might miss the music, the sounD of the sea or the wind thought (PREPOSITION)the trees, and the most common sounds, like the traffic. It would be horrible in a lot of ways. Maybe It could be dangereus (SPELLING) because I can't COULDN'T hear the sounds of the cars coming. ANA BEATRIZ CEBALLOS 4A MARKS: 5 ___________________________________________________________________________ Daniel Lorenzo Novillo 4A Life with this disability is very hard but i have to live with it.Im blind since (WRONG TENSE!!!) I had an accident, the positive part is that I can heard (MODAL VERBS + INFINITVE VERB) all around of me, but I cant see a lot of things that I would like TO , for example san Francisco or other beautiful cities.In the future I could relate GET IN TOUCH WITH me with more people with this disability and together create an association ORGANIZATION.One of the most important things in my life is my dog Boby.He helps me on IN THE street, onIN the subway, in general in everything and I love him. I have turned CHANGED IN other ways too.I have learned TO DO the things that I did in my everyday life but being blind IT is (WRONG TENSE) difficult at the first (WORD ORDER)because yo are insegure (SPELLING) but with Boby all is more easy (WRONG COMPARTIVE), and my family helps me too.Im very happy and enjoy MYSELF a lot of with them. With all this you can see the life with ANother perspective/THROUGH A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE and you cant do a lot special actions, but one of my favorite things to do is listenING to other people and their histories (WRONG WORD), I learn so much MARKS: 6 ____________________________________________________________________________ Rubn Garcia 4A My alarm ring (VERBAL FORM) and I turn it off. I open my eyes but I dont know if (SUBJECT) is day of (WRONG WORD) night because I cant see. Im going to have breakfast, but there arent any biscuits.My mum mustnt buy ("no debe de haber comprado", MODAL VERBS FOR THE PAST )biscuits. After breakfast I go to high school in ON my mums car. When I arrive to (WRONG PREPOSITION) high school my friend help (WRONG VERBAL FORM) me UPSTAIRS to up stairs. Other students think than Im disabled person, and a bad person. But they cant know how Im feeling to ABOUT be (PREPOSITION + VERB-ING) blind. In class my teacher helps me too. After class I have to do my homework with my mum, because I cant read my books. Later I go to a basketball lessons. The ball is very special because the ball has a bell. I must practice a lot. When the basketball lessons end I go to my house and play with the computer. The game is special because a voice teach (VERBAL FORM) me. Later I go to have dinner , I might that is meat??????. When I finish I go to bed and my hard day end(VERBAL FORM) You keep forgetting the 3rd person singular -s, which is a basic mistake. MARKS: 5.5 ____________________________________________________________________________ XINXIN WU 4 ESO A If one day I woke up,and felt that I WAS blind, I might/WOULDfeel very unwell.If I couldn't see, I would need a person or a dog next to me to help me. The first class that I had would be very difficult,because I couldn't see anything . If I didn't see, I wouldn't (USE INFINITVE AFTER WOULD) my exercises,and I wouldn't see the blackboard . IF I wanted to go out, my mum had to be next to me or I buy a special dog to guide me . If I was a blind person,my world black,and I see the solar rays ,and I would live in a world without light. I can't imagine being blind, because IT is very sad, and you can't see what you want to see. CHECK THE PATTERN FOR 2ND TYPE CONDITIONAL CLAUSE: if + past.............................would + to infinitve TRY TO CORRECT THE MISTAKES AND UNDERSTAND THE ONES I'VE CORRECTED, PLEASE. MARKS: 3 _____________________________________________________________________________ MARIA SANCHEZ RODRIGUEZ 4A : "A day of a blind person"/A DAY IN A BLIND PERSON'S LIFE A day of a blind person is very difficult. The sense of sight is one of the most important senseS. You can see a lot of things with your eyes.You can see the colors, landscapes and simple things like a flower. But if you haven't GOT this sense you have to imagine all of THE things in the world. You can help yourself with the sense of tact WRONG WORD and the sense of hearing but it isn't the same. You imagine a day in your life. But this time think that you do all things EVERYTHING like AS if the lights will be (HYPOTHETICAL: 2ND TYPE) off or AS if your eyes will be WRONG TENSE closed all time. I think that these are the best examples to explain a day of a blind person. In my opinion the blinds people have a lot of worthy ARE PRAISEWORTHY because to live (USE GERUND AS SUBJECT OF A SENTENCE) without the sense of sight is very difficult and I wouldn't like to be in their shoes. But if I will be 2ND TYPE a blind person I'd fight to go ahead! MARKS: 7.5 ____________________________________________________________________________ Ivn Santiago Bravo 4A "A Day of a deaf person" It was a beautiful morning, in a beautiful place, but I wasnt good that day. I was deaf. I was dizzy because I cant heard (ABILITY IN THE PAST) anything. I cant heard the birds in the window, the ring of the microwave, I cant heard the TV, anything. When I was trying to go to work I thought that I was going to die because I couldnt hear the sound of the cars (PUNCTUATION) everything was wrong. The sound that I miss(TENSE) was her voice. The voice of my girlfriend. She has a beautiful voice, but I couldnt hear her. It was the worst day of my life, I couldnt listen to (WRONG WORD) her, I couldnt believe it! The sound of her voice, of her words, everything that I love... But I couldn't heard anything. I couldn't live without her voice. I went to the hospital the same day. The doctor operated ON me. I'm recovering at the hospital, she is with me, I know, until the very end. CAREFUL WITH THE SEQUENCE OF TENSES AND THINK ABOUT HOW TO EXPRESS ABILITY IN THE PAST. MARKS: 6 ____________________________________________________________________________ Silvia Delgado del Mazo 4A My name is Silvia and Im blind since I was 10 years old (PLEASE, THINK OF THE STRUCTURE YOU NEED IN ENGLISH TO EXPRESS THIS IDEA) . Today 21ST of January I will be oprated(SPELLING) to ON FOR my eyes. When I was young I had normal infancy/CHILDHOOD until I had ......accident in my parents car and I lost my vision/SIGHT. After the accident I had to learn special skills. I learned the special writing TO READ Braille. I hope TO recover my vision after the operation. If I recover my vision I will travel around the world. I will can (ABILITY IN THE FUTURE) teach blind children. I will might (PROBABILITY FOR THE FUTURE) look me my face PREPOSITION + REFLEXIVE PRONOUN. I may meet a special person and I can PROBABILITY get married with him. But my only wish is beING able to be a normal person. CHECK YOUR MISTAKES AND TRY TO WORK ON THEM. MARKS: 4 ____________________________________________________________________________ I have gotten up at seven o clock, well my dad has gotten USE WAKEme up because i cant hear the alarm clock. it is very frustating to need a person to help you in every aspect of my life. I must go to to highschool, but i dont want to. it is very painful to be different, in the classroom the students listen to the teacher and copy what he say (WRONG FORM), but i must read the teachers lip (PLURAL), it is very difficult to comunicate with other people because they dont know the signs lenguage, i should be happy because i am alive, but i am sad because i am diferent.(SPELLING) When i am done dressing myself, i go to highschool, i must be carefully because i cant hear the cars and they might kill me. in the class i only hear the silence, people is(SUBJECT-VERB AGREEMENT) runing, shouting, laughing but i cant listen (USE "oir") that, it is very painful to me because i want to be a normal person. I have to fight everydays of my life because i have to resolve many problems. Introduce the situation, say: "For example, one day..." and then simple past) The teacher is in the classroom and we sat(past???suddenly?) down, the people was(subject-verb agreement) talking very much and he said " i have to be deaf to be happy". he looks (present? past?) at me and says "sorry", but i have to go out of here, i couldnt stare at him. i went out of the classroom very furius(spelling( and my face was covered with tears. I couldnt go to my home because my mum might be angry because i was not in highschool. I dont want to live, i want to finish with my life, i dont want to be different. I go to a bridge and i say: "one, two, three".... OARA BAUTISTA. REVISE THE PUNCTUATION ALL OVER YOUR WRITING. TRY TO CORRECT THE MISTAKES. MARKS: 8 _________________________________________________________________________ If I wake up blind one morning I will think that it is a blackout.I will feel very anxious and speechless,but I am sure that I will excel myself.At first I wouldnt do my normal life,for example I wouldnt go to university to continue my studies or go to the cinema and I wouldnt do many other things without the help of other person,a dog or a stick. THINK ABOUT THIS 1ST PARAGRAPH. YOU START WRITING AS A REAL SITUATION IN 1ST type CONDITIONAL CLAUSE AND SUDDENLY YOU CHANGE TO A HYPOTHETICAL SITUATION WTH 2ND type.??!!!! I will definitely go to ANother university and I will have to learn a special alphabet " Braile". I would like (WRONG FORM) TO finish my history degree ,because my blindness dont prevent me from doing anything that I dont like (TENSE) to do in my life. The sense of sight is important but it wont .....(MISSING VERB) essential if you lose (1ST TYPE CONDITIONAL CLAUSE. YOU'RE TALKING IN GENERAL ABOUT A FACT, SO YOU CAN USE 1ST, BUT BEFORE YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT A PERSONAL IMAGINARY SITUATION) it.Now blind people have a lot of advantages.In the world there are people with worse diseases.You can excel yourself. PAULA GARCA SACRISTN 4A MARKS: 5 __________________________________________________________________________ Alba Galn Fernndez 4A Hi i'm Alba and I'm deaf since two years ago (YOU KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS THIS IN ENGLISH) when i had a train accident. Before I was a disabled person and SUBJECT + MODAL FOR OBLIGATION IN THE PAST + asking for help for everything. Before long I was dizzy??? and the doctors told me to get used to beING so even though I was terrified by what had happened. Now I'm getting used to and I can do more things. I had to learn to read lips very well to talk well. (PODER COMUNICARME) My parents and friends when they talk with me lips?? move very slowly so that they can understand. Although I've seen??? deaf that I can continue to studyING and workING in what I want because I thought that my disability couldn't. WRONG SUBJECT. Use personal subject "I" I have been deaf for two years and I mustn't (prohibition???) do anything to heal me so here I'm going to ax ????fight to live a normal life. there are some parts I don't understand. Your writing is incosistent at times. There are mistakes which later are not so??? MARKS: 4 ___________________________________________________________________________ MANUEL VIEJO Pfffff.It is an evil???? A NIGHTMARE??? I remember When I wake (WRONG TENSE! PRESENT OR PAST) up, I could not see anything. Could it be a dream? I returned to fall (USE "fall" IN PAST) asleep AGAIN. Later when I woke up definitively It???? was continuing without seeing SPANGLISH: personal subject + modal for disability in the past+ see, I started crying and shouting and my parents asked me that it what was happening. We ran to the hospital and I was very nervous and when we come (tense) into the consultation wrong word, the doctor said that I was blind and that it might last from one to two months. I felt bad because this was a hardcore hard situation and my routine changed totally. My friends help me and thanks for their (wrong preposition+wrong personal pronoun) I passed lived through this situation a bit better. In during this time I had to learn to walk with a cane and I think that it was good for me because I learned to value my life . Careful with dictionaries or translators. They are not very helpful if you don't use them well. MARKS: 4 ___________________________________________________________________________ I can't imagine what it is to be a blind person. I thank God I have the sense of sight, but I always think about those people who don't have it. I often wonder: what do they feel? How can they live with it? Are they able to do the things we normally do? If I were a blind person, I would feel bad, nervous and worried at first. My life would change a lot. I wouldn't see my family, my friends, watch TV, travel, visit places and look at views or sights, but I would do anything I could do to live with it. It would be very difficult, but I'd get used to it and I'd learn to live with it. But I wouldn't be unlucky at all, because when you don't have something, you reinforce other skills. Blind people could do some things we can also do, but not so easily. They could go shopping in special sites for blind people, and they could even live alone in special houses for them. I really admire blind people and other people with disabilities, because they fight everyday against the world, doing things we always do in an easier way. They can't see, but they can hear, feel and smell better than us. People like us don't know how lucky they are.. AMAL BEN SEGHIRA 4A PERFECT! CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR WRITING, AMAL! MARKS: 10 ______________________________________________________________________________ SERGIO PEA CAMACHO. The life of a deaf person, it??WHY "it" again? is very difficult. Since you can not (ONLY ONE WORD) listen .... (preposition) that what your parents or friends say to you and you have to learn the language of signs, that I think that it is very difil???? of learning. difficult to learn. If I was a deaf person, I always (word order) would feel insecure, because I don't (hypothetical) know that what other people say(hypothetical) of my (wrong pronoun). I never (word order) could keep a normally(wrong word) conversation with my friends, my family or in an a job interview of work. I never (word order) could work in that what i like with this dicapacidad , because always that when someone had to say something to me, this person would have to know the language of signs. Everything that for a normal person (word order) seems easy....., for a deaf person It would be (you don't need another subject. The subject is "Everything" ) is the a whole/complete challenge. If I had children I couldn't to listen(wrong form!!!) + preposition their first words and when they grew up I couldn't support keep a normal conversation. About conclusion I think that a deaf person has many mas???? courage and merit that???comparative! a normal person, because for a deaf person the daily life is very difficult. I'm nearly sure you've used a translator!!! too much spanglish!!! Sergio Pea Camacho 4 A Marks: 3.5 ___________________________________________________________________________ About my life ? It's not bad . I have a special quality.I see all black . No,I'm not negative , ..... (subject) is that I'm blind . One day of my life is difficult and strange for all of you ,but I live that every single day . Let me tell you. When I get up I was shower??wrong verbal expression? like like??? but...it's not easy because find (verb-ing as subject of a sentence) a good temperature without seeing the faucet is realy difficult. Next I have breakfast and my dad help (wrong verbal form) me to do it. In the highschool I use special books because they haven't got letters they have got braille ,a special alphabet doing made with relief of points/embossed letters that i read touching them. I have a very good family and a very good family to help me and now fortunately a lot of things are doing done for the blind like trafic lights with sound or bus stops which tell you when come(wrong verb form) the bus.(word order) this is my life and all in all I'm so happy. 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